First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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