just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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