I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize