well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
