last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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