BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
