Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
