i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize