how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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