Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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