he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
