even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
