Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
