I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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