Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
