Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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