ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
