i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
