watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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