I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
