I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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