why didn't you poke me back
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
