My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
