I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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