even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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