Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
