Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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