My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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