And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
