Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
