It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
