I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
whose ass print is on the piano?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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