I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
