WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
