Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
