he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
