I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
