R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
