She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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