I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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