Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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