Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
