Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
