I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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