Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
whose parrot is this?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
