I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
