I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
