I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
