you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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