so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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