The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize