he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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