last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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