Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
