He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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