I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
