How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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