Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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