I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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