Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
